How well do you get along with your parents?
1. Very well
2. So—so
3. indifferently
4. Not so well
Sample Answers
(A) My parents and I have gone in different directions since I was about ten. No matter how much we love each other or how hard we try to live together peacefully, we have fundamentally different ideas about how I should live my life. I hope someday they accept me for who I am instead of trying to maI‹e me into who they think I should be. (Or, to be fair, maybe someday I will recognize their wisdom in trying to change my attitudes and lifestyle.) But I doubt it.
(B) Ever since I left home and moved to a different city, my parents and I have gradually drifted apart. We see each other on major holidays and talk to each other on the phone from time to time, but we just are not as close as we used to be. I miss the good old days when they were a constant source of inspiration and advice.
Speak your mind
1. How often do you visit your parents?
2. How much money do you give your parents (if any)? How much do they give you?
3. Do you always vacation with your parents?
4. What do you do for a special day such as a parent's birthday or wedding anniversary?
5. Do you think your parents are proud of you? Why or why not?
6. What is the most important lesson you learned from your parents?
7. Do you expect an inheritance from your parents? Why or why not?
8. Will you financially support your parents when they retire or become unable to pay for themselves?
9. Would you move aged or ill parents into your home? What about sending them to a nursing home?
10. Do your parents have strong opinions about how von should live your own life?
Speak with your mind helpers
1. How often do you visit your parents?
(A) That's an easy question to answer. I still live at home. So I see both of my parents every single day. There are times I yearn to live in my own house, so I can do whatever I want, but mostly I enjoy the feeling of security I have.
(B) My parents moved abroad to join my brother more than a decade ago, so I hardly ever see them. Once every year or so, they return here or I visit them, but it is getting harder for them to make the trip because of their age, and it is becoming more difficult for me to take time away from work. I'm extremely glad though that the internet lets us stay in touch all the time.
2. How much money do you give your parents (if any)? How much do they give you?
(A) I get an allowance every week. It's not much, but it's enough to eat out with my friends and go to a movie. If I want to play video games or buy a new CD, I can afford it. And if I need a larger amount for some special purpose, like going camping in the mountains or spending a weeI‹end at the beach with my friends, I know that all I have to do is ask.
(B) These days, I pay my parents' utility bills and apartment management fees every month and take them out to eat every Sunday. I also let them know that if an emergency comes up, like an unexpected medical bill, they should let me know.
3. Do you always vacation with your parents?
(A) I haven't taken a vacation with my parents since I was in school. to, I'll take that statement back; we did go abroad together one summer. But we just argued all the time about where to go and what to do and about what kind of a schedule we would follow. So we all decided that this was not a good idea after all.
(B) Now that my dad has retired, it is a lot easier to go places together, even if only for a weekend. His schedule is very flexible ie, and both of my parents are still in excellent health, so the only problems are my own timeframe and financial ability to keep up with their travel plans. Right now, we are planning a winter visit to Europe. I think we are all going to leave together and spend about a week touring, and then I'll come back by myself to return to work while they stay there another week or two.
4. What do you do for a special day such as a parent‘s birthday or wedding anniversary?
(A) Their wedding anniversary has always been a big deal in our family. We always have a big party for all our relatives and close family friends. Sometimes over a hundred guests show up. My mom and dad pretend that they don‘t get along well, but by the end of the evening, they always toast each other and, in effect, renew their marriage vows.
(B) For my mom's birthday I always fix dinner and clean up the apartment. For once, she gets to be the guest instead of the hostess. For Dad's birthday, I take him to a baseball game and a nice meal in a restaurant. I get them little gifts too, of course, but what really counts is the special attention I give them and our time together.
5. Do you think your parents are proud of you? Why or why not?
(A) I don‘t know if they are or not. They never say anything about it, one nay or the other. I guess if they had a prob|em with the way I've turned out, they'd tell me about it. But they've never really talked to me about me, not even when I Seas youn9 This doesn’t mean that they don't love me; they are just very private people when it comes to talking about personal matters.
(B) My mom and dad are superstitious and don't want to jinx the situation by saying good things about me. But I can tell by the way they act that they are very proud of what I'm doing and the way I |ive my life. I just hope that I never disappoint them, that‘s all.
6. What is the most important lesson you learned from your parents?
(A) Their life was never easy. They had to struggle for everything they ever got. When I was growing up, there were many things I wanted that they could not afford. But they never complained or made excuses. What have learned from them is that if l wish to achieve something, I need to keep working at it and never give up.
(B) I don't know if “love” is a “lesson,” but that is what my parents have taught me. No matter what I did wrong, ] always knew that my parents would do whatever they cou|d to help me. I didn't always agree with how they helped me (for instance, forcing me to stay home and study instead of letting me go out with my friends), but I a|vvays knew that they had my best interest at heart.
7. Do you expect an inheritance from your parents? Why or why not?
(A) I hope my parents have a long and happy life and spend their entire ”fortune” upon themselves so that there will be nothing left over for me. After all, they earned it; they deserve to benefit from it.
(B) Yes, of course, I do. It's not that I'm selfishly hoping to pet something, and certainly I'd rather have living parents than any inheritance at all. But I know that my parents feel an obligation to pass something on to their children and will do their best to make certain it happens. It's not about the size of the bequest at all; it's all about their sense of parental responsibility. And then I can pass it on to my descendants as well.
8. Will you financially support your parents when they retire or become unable to pay for themselves?
(A) Of course I will. Now that I have kids of my own I realize how expensive they really are. My parents made huge financial sacrifices on my behalf for many years; repaying them is the least I can do, after all.
(B) I would like to, and I will if I can. But right now it would be very hard to do so. I'm struggling just to keep up with my own obligations. So I hope Mom and Dad stay healthy a few years longer, at least until my own job situation improves. If something terrible would happen to them now, I don't know what I'd do.
9. Would you move aged or ill parents into your home? What about sending them to a nursing home?
(A) I know that I would feel guilty if I didn't share my house with my parents, but I don't see how this would be to their own advantage. My husband and I both work long hours every day, so neither of us would be around to help them out. And our new apartment is very small. Maybe Mom and Dad would be better off if they stayed where they are and had a live-in nurse to take care of them.
(B) I strongly feel an obligation to take care of my parents. They don‘t even have to wait until they are sick or old; they can move into my house now, if they want to. Nothing would make me happier than to provide for their care, just as I know how much enjoyment they received from looking after me for all those years. I can‘t understand the selfishness of a lot of my friends in this regard.
10. Do your parents have strong opinions about how you should live your own life?
M: I'm an adult, aren't I?
F: Well, you look like one anyway. Sometimes I'm not so sure that you act like one.
Why do you ask?
M: My parents still treat me like a child. They don't think I can make any decisions on
my own.
F: It's what parents do. No matter how old or successful you become, to them you'll always be their little boy.
M: But I'm not a little boy! They did a good job raising me to be a self-reliant, capable human being, but they never recognize how well they did. They still want to control my life.
F: I think you should consider yourself very fortunate. Once I left home, my parents left me entirely on my own. Now even when I try to get their advice, they tell me to solve my own problems.
M: Well, I think you do a pretty good job of taking care of yourself.
F: I think so too, but it's not like I have any choice. I have to rely on my own initiative since I don't have anyone else to lean on.
M: It's odd, isn't it? We're both basically well-adjusted, self-motivated people, with loving parents. But I wish mine would leave me alone more often, and you want yours to be more involved in your decision-making.
F: I guess there's another possibility, as well. Maybe in both of our cases, our parents intervene to the same degree, but we both overreact. You resent any interference at all, and I never feel I get enough involvement.
M: Hmm. Maybe you have a point. I don't think that's true, but it's something to think
about.
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