What is your biggest source of worry?
(1) My job
(2) My finances
(3) My health
(4) My kids
(5) My friends
(6) My sweetheart
(7) My other relatives
(8) My neighbors
Sample Answers
(A) My parents always warned me that someday I'd have kids of my own and hoped that my kids would not be as great a cause of concern to me as I had been to my parents. Well, I guess it's pay-back time! Hardly a day goes by that I don't have some reason to be worried about them: their safety, their grades, their friends, their habits, their future. I've learned what my parents meant, the hard way.
(B) I hate my boss and worry about what he's going to do next to make my life miserable. He enjoys humiliating me in front of my co-workers and never praises me for a job well done. I'm afraid he's looking for some excuse to fire me. Then, instead of worrying about my boss, I'd have to worry about finding another job to take care of my family.
Speak your mind
1. What are the common worries ordinary people have?
2. What is their most serious worry?
3. As soon as one problem is solved, another seems to pop up immediately. Why?
4. With whom do you usually talk about personal matters?
5. What particular worries do the following people have?
(a) parents
(b) kids
(c) the rich
(d) the poor
(e) the famous
6. Is there any difference between how men and women worry?
Speak your mind helpers
1. What are the common worries ordinary people have?
(A) Most people worry a lot about how other people see them. Everyone wants to be both admired and popular, so we become concerned when we think that others are not paying us enough attention or are too critical of us. Sometimes we think a minor change in our appearance — longer hair, more fashionable clothes — may be enough to change things around, but other times we despair of finding any solution to the problem.
(B) I used to worry about being taller. I was the oldest girl in the family and thought; that I should be at least a little taller than my mother; that would indicate some sort of genetic progress, right? Well, I failed at that, no matter how hard I worried. And, now, to make matters worse, my younger sister is taller than Mom and me both! And, she never even wanted to be tall!
2. What is their most serious worry?
(A) Health is our biggest problem. Even if we take good care our ourselves, watch our diets, and get plenty of exercise, we can still get very sick very suddenly. It doesn't matter how smart we are, how many friends we have, or have much money we've made; nothing can make us well again. At least, that is what I'm afraid of.
(B) Money, money, money. When we don't have much, we worry about getting more. When we have lots, we still worry about getting more — but then we also have to worry about how to spend it and where to invest it, in addition to worrying about what would happen if we lost it all.
3. As soon as one problem is solved, another seems to pop up immediately. Why?
(A) We are so preoccupied with one problem to worry about that we can't focus on any others. Then, when that problem has disappeared (maybe it wasn't a very serious problem after all, or maybe it was very serious but beyond our control), we are able to devote our attention to some other problem. In time, that one will also be taken care of, one way or another, at which time we will be free to devote ourselves to worrying about something new. This is the human condition.
(B) My problems are like a traffic jam. Even while I have one thing to worry about, another joins it in line, then another and another. In no time at all, I have a dozen different worries to deal with. Maybe one of these will eventually find a resolution, but it doesn't matter, because it will merely be replaced by a dozen new concerns. Oh, for some peace of mind!
4. With whom do you usually talk about personal matters?
(A) I was raised to keep my private business private; my personal matters are no one else's business or burden. So I keep my own council, and no one else knows anything about the worries I have. The psychologists say this attitude of self-reliance is bad for people's mental health, but I don't notice any problems.
(B) I'm very lucky that my spouse has always been able to listen to me without expressing any moral judgment of my actions and opinions. We can be perfectly frank with each without fear or embarrassment. Just being able to express my inner feelings and conflicts with someone I trust always reduces the amount of anxiety I have.
5. What particular worries do the following people have?
• parents
(A) Like other adults, parents have to worry about their health and finances, but they have the added burden of worrying about how these things affect their children. It is very hard for most kids to learn how to adjust to their peers, and kids who are unhealthy or poor have a particularly difficult time doing so. Having trouble fitting in is hard for the unpopular child, but it is even harder for the parents, who feel that they are responsible for the problem in the first place.
(B) Whatever worries their children also worries the parents. Even things which the kids may never even think about, such as health insurance or the cost of education, will be things that parents worry about mightily.
• kids
(A) Kids are most concerned with being like (and being liked by) other kids. The newest fashions, the coolest new music, the hottest places to go, the need for being one half of an enviable couple rather than a lonely loser- these are the stuff of teenage angst.
(B) Parents are preoccupied with the present: pay ing the bills, running the household, fixing the car, cooking the meals; but kids have to be worried about the future because they will spend the rest of their lives in it. They not only worry about personal concerns — where to go to school, what kind of job to prepare for, finding a suitable spouse but also about social problems — peace, the environment, fair treatment for everybody, effective laws, and economic progress. Unfortunately, the kids have very little power to change the world, so they have to worry about it even more.
• the rich
(A) Numbers are the stuff of life for the wealthy. How is the market doing? How will it be doing in six months? Where can I put my money so I will get the greatest return? How are interest rates likely to react to world problems? What tax shelters can I take advantage of? Rich people aren't human beings — they're calculators. The rich are worried about money. They never have enough.
(B) The wealthy are treated unfairly. Other people pretend that having a lot of money is criminal, even though they themselves wish they were rich. So, they are just jealous of success. Most rich people have worked very hard to acquire their fortunes, educating themselves, putting in long hours of very hard work, and not wasting their resources on temporary diversions such as having a good time. Perhaps they have neglected their friends and families because they concentrated so much on making money, so maybe they are not very happy. But they are rich because they deserve to be; they have spent their lives getting that way. And, usually, they are very generous about giving away their hard-earned money for charitable purposes, especially helping the less fortunate. So, I think people should admire them, not criticize them.
• the poor
(A) The poor are worried about money. They never have enough. The world's poorest people worry about how they will get food for their next meal. They worry about what will happen to them when the rains come since they have no shelter. They worry about surviving the next bout of illness. They worry about how their children and spouses will live. They worry about being victimized by criminals and by the powerful. They worry about absolutely everything, because everything is a problem for them.
(B) Poor people don't have it so bad. In most modern societies, they have enough to eat, they live in decent homes, they drive cars and wear appropriate clothing. They often get free housing, education, and medical care. But, they don't have to work for a living. The rest of us support them, through our taxes and philanthropy. We feel guilty about beggars not having anything, so we give them money — but a lot of them have better incomes than we do! I don't mind at all helping people who truly need help, and I give generously to causes like providing food to hurricane or earthquake victims, but I think our society has gone too far in helping people who should be taking care of themselves instead of looking for a handout.
• the famous
(A) Before becoming famous, celebrities worried about trying to keep from living a normal life. They worked hard to insert themselves in the public eye. Once they achieve their goal, they worry about having some privacy so they can live normal lives.
(B) Famous people are always worried about losing their fame. They know that celebrity is fickle and that the public turn quickly from one fad to another. The evidence of this transience is everywhere. They own old CDS nobody listens to anymore, made by famous singers whom nobody remembers. They have DVDs and videos of old movies starring a cast of has-beens. Their bookshelves are full of long-forgotten best-sellers. So they always have to worry about joining the pathetic ranks of the no-longer-famous.
6. Is there any difference between how men and women worry?
F: Aren't you worried about your son in the military?
M: Of course I am! Don't you think I should be?
F: Of course, you should be. But you never talk about it. So I assumed that you weren't bothered at all.
M: Talking about it won't make it any better. It's a situation that won't just go away immediately. But meanwhile, I'm worried about him every single day.
F: If it were my son, I'd be talking about the problem every day to everybody. That wouldn't solve the problem or relieve my worries, but it would make dealing with the situation easier.
M: I don't know if it is somehow biological or merely social, but that is certainly one difference in the way men and women typically behave. A man internalizes his worries and keeps them to himself, while a woman more freely communicates her emotions. I wonder why that is.
F: Yes, I've often thought about that. Maybe it's evolutionary.
M: In what way?
F: For centuries and centuries, most women stayed behind in the camp or village with other women, and they would talk to each other to help pass the time while they cooked, made clothing, watched the kids, or tilled the fields.
M: OK. Go on.
F: The men, on the other hand, would be away from home and spending much of their time alone, engaged in activities that required a lot of silence, like tracking down animals for food or protecting the camp against enemies. And they needed to appear brave and strong in other to gain the respect of their comrades, so it was easier to pretend that they weren't afraid or worried at all by keeping their mouths shut.
M: So you're saying over time, these two modes — being talkative and being silent — became ingrained in the two psyches?
F: Sure. It makes sense to me.
M: So you think men and women are fundamentally different.
F: I think there are many differences. They are not exactly the same, biologically or psychologically. But that doesn't mean that one is better than the other. Men and women are equally capable of doing any job, but they may still do them differently.
M: Hmmm. I'll have to think about your remarks for a while.
F: Fine. But after mulling it over, don't forget to talk to me about it. We're not robots, you know; we can consciously alter our behaviors, despite millennia of programming.
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